[ That confirms the damage is done, and some of the hot air rushes out of him. He's upset at the idea of Bobbi being compromised by his and Daisy's lesser skills — particularly how she could be judged or hurt as a result. Stephen's part of the problem, but not the whole of it. Can't be expected to work the way SHIELD does, no more than any of the other displaced
Somebody you could trust makes him pause, a little wrinkle between his brows forming. ]
Yeah, well. [ He has told Stephen Strange a lot, hasn't he? And been told a fair bit in return. ] That's why it's so shit, isn't it?
[ shoulders up, almost a shrug (not careless, but helpless). ]
Because when you ask, I get two options: Turn you round and round, after we just made it through the — [ opening and closing a hand, almost a twitch, searching for the words, nope, there's a gap, ah ah ah ] — mire. Or I answer you. And if I answer you, I answer for her. Both are on me. [ even, ] So, thanks for the warning, but the godawful delivery —
[ he cuts himself off 'cause option three (take out this week on stephen strange) also has its problems... ]
he can't quite bring himself to feel sorry, though. Fitz' position is indeed an impossible one, but is that his fault? no more than it's any of theirs. they are where they are, but it's not his job to navigate their world.
there's no point voicing aloud how their fresh-won camaraderie ought to have been enough to patch through this. there was his big error: expecting too much of it. Fitz has other people here, people whose trust he's gained and received over years. Stephen's working with scraps from all angles, his choice to trust or to isolate, and it's not bad, it's functional, but it was his mistake to assume it was working as seamlessly as he'd like.
of course Fitz is angry. Katelin, whoever she is, is a friend and a colleague— ]
But it's hard to have any faith in an alliance if you're keeping professional secrets.
[ a noise of frustration but otherwise, he's done with the theatrics. ]
I know. [ don't say that, fitz... ] You're — I'm not very good at this, either.
[ which may seem unclear, but he means: trust, alliances. why is everyone asking him to trust them lately, anyway? why now, when he used to be good at it? 'course it's fallen to the fringes of his skillset, ol' trust, worn out and half-broken by misuse. someone once told him he'd never learn, that he was programmed for trust and betrayal, stuck in a loop. as he looks down at his twisting hands and thinks about how hard it was to tell bobbi the truth, he knows the lesson cost too much. ]
I don't exactly go around telling everyone I'm losing my head, for the record. [ a quiet thing and certainly unfair to say, true though it is. there's good faith in that gesture — but it's heavily weighted by necessity and desperation. ] I told her to call you, anyway. And that she should — consider it.
[ it's obvious what, but, y'know. he's Making a Point. He looks up, features soft, like the edges have been sanded off while his focus turned elsewhere. ]
[ it's not quite a resolution, but it's something. a sign that they're still somewhere close to on the same page.
but there's a moment of pause from Stephen here. his lips pinch in just slightly as he hangs on a decision... I don't exactly go around telling everyone I'm losing my head, for the record. Fitz isn't the only one who's shared secrets pertaining to the mind. and though it isn't fair to ask the question - ]
Yeah.
[ - he just can't quite help himself. ]
What else did you tell her? Probably best I don't try keeping any secrets she already knows. Not the greatest way to establish trust.
[ since his messages suggest he and Katelin are going be heading for a drink. since they've already made this mistake once, and it's clearly working out great.
since he's curious to know if the one relative secret he told Fitz in confidence, his gesture of good faith, has made it out to her. can't remember anyone wailing about unsecure networks then.
despite the various sentiments sitting underneath it, he keeps the question as neutral as he can: it would be good to have a general overview of what he's already filled her in on, regardless of whether or not the piece of information Stephen's interested in is involved. if that piece has gone walkabouts? Fitz was only doing his job - as friend and as colleague. Stephen can figure out whether or not he's bitter on his own time, he just wants to know. ]
Edited (extra! words! love 'em!) 2019-01-16 12:14 (UTC)
[ not fair, no, but expected. every time he and strange manage to hobble forward, something knocks them back. they're both prone to making quick calls, assuming their approach is best, even when it comes to the intricacies of emotions and trust, so here they are, back at the start.
he nods, solemn. the dip in his mouth might be apologetic, but he doesn't feel remorse for his call. play it out a hundred times, and he'd make it again and again. there's guilt over it. pain, too, at having breached someone's confidence (and Strange is a someone whose respect he'd quite like to earn, at that; an ally and nearly a friend). ]
She knows about what you can do. [ quiet but firm. ] At home and here.
[ all part of the debrief. ]
Not just because of the logo — 'cause I wanted to protect her, too.
[ as a friend, yes, not that she needs him to stand in her way. he only means that the easy out duty provides him doesn't suit this moment. there are things he keeps from bobbi, even now. and she isn't his boss or his handler. once, she may have stood above him, but they're different departments, and he's further along in the timeline, the only truly open agent among them — the power dynamics have shifted, for better or for worse. ]
[ friendship. he can understand it. maybe even respect it. and it's a good reason to undermine his trust, not all reasons being equal.
or at least, it would be. only Stephen Strange wouldn't consider himself a threat to Fitz or the people Fitz trusts - perhaps the most dangerous thing he's done in Fitz' eyes is liase with Loki, and even then, hadn't he done the same? meaning either that he was wrong to assume the confidence ran both ways and Fitz is still on the fence as to whether he really can be trusted, or Fitz considers his friend's desire to maintain a secret identity to be more important than Stephen's decision to grant him sensitive information he really didn't have to share.
he had to choose one person's trust over another, and this is how it landed.
not too much of a blow. just something to remember. ]
Protect is an interesting choice of word.
[ it's telling, even if Fitz hadn't meant for it to be. that the SHIELD trio are a unit regardless of who they ally with. that anyone outside of that is a potential risk, if not an active threat.
a sudden indrawn breath and a raise of his brows as he glances away, substitute for a big bold period at the end of the line, because what else is there? they've had a long day, they've had it out, and there's nothing else to be said— he doesn't leave time to, either. the less fumbled explaining of themselves they do today the better. ]
I'm meeting with her now. She's coming over - with wine, apparently. [ his attention settles back on Fitz like it's a fresh start. like the rest of it's water under the bridge.
like he just doesn't want to talk about it any more. ] Worse ways to meet a person.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Somebody you could trust makes him pause, a little wrinkle between his brows forming. ]
Yeah, well. [ He has told Stephen Strange a lot, hasn't he? And been told a fair bit in return. ] That's why it's so shit, isn't it?
[ shoulders up, almost a shrug (not careless, but helpless). ]
Because when you ask, I get two options: Turn you round and round, after we just made it through the — [ opening and closing a hand, almost a twitch, searching for the words, nope, there's a gap, ah ah ah ] — mire. Or I answer you. And if I answer you, I answer for her. Both are on me. [ even, ] So, thanks for the warning, but the godawful delivery —
[ he cuts himself off 'cause option three (take out this week on stephen strange) also has its problems... ]
no subject
[ ain't that the truth.
he can't quite bring himself to feel sorry, though. Fitz' position is indeed an impossible one, but is that his fault? no more than it's any of theirs. they are where they are, but it's not his job to navigate their world.
there's no point voicing aloud how their fresh-won camaraderie ought to have been enough to patch through this. there was his big error: expecting too much of it. Fitz has other people here, people whose trust he's gained and received over years. Stephen's working with scraps from all angles, his choice to trust or to isolate, and it's not bad, it's functional, but it was his mistake to assume it was working as seamlessly as he'd like.
of course Fitz is angry. Katelin, whoever she is, is a friend and a colleague— ]
But it's hard to have any faith in an alliance if you're keeping professional secrets.
no subject
I know. [ don't say that, fitz... ] You're — I'm not very good at this, either.
[ which may seem unclear, but he means: trust, alliances. why is everyone asking him to trust them lately, anyway? why now, when he used to be good at it? 'course it's fallen to the fringes of his skillset, ol' trust, worn out and half-broken by misuse. someone once told him he'd never learn, that he was programmed for trust and betrayal, stuck in a loop. as he looks down at his twisting hands and thinks about how hard it was to tell bobbi the truth, he knows the lesson cost too much. ]
I don't exactly go around telling everyone I'm losing my head, for the record. [ a quiet thing and certainly unfair to say, true though it is. there's good faith in that gesture — but it's heavily weighted by necessity and desperation. ] I told her to call you, anyway. And that she should — consider it.
[ it's obvious what, but, y'know. he's Making a Point. He looks up, features soft, like the edges have been sanded off while his focus turned elsewhere. ]
So, we'll figure it out.
[ We. he and Stephen, that is. ]
no subject
but there's a moment of pause from Stephen here. his lips pinch in just slightly as he hangs on a decision... I don't exactly go around telling everyone I'm losing my head, for the record. Fitz isn't the only one who's shared secrets pertaining to the mind. and though it isn't fair to ask the question - ]
Yeah.
[ - he just can't quite help himself. ]
What else did you tell her? Probably best I don't try keeping any secrets she already knows. Not the greatest way to establish trust.
[ since his messages suggest he and Katelin are going be heading for a drink. since they've already made this mistake once, and it's clearly working out great.
since he's curious to know if the one relative secret he told Fitz in confidence, his gesture of good faith, has made it out to her. can't remember anyone wailing about unsecure networks then.
despite the various sentiments sitting underneath it, he keeps the question as neutral as he can: it would be good to have a general overview of what he's already filled her in on, regardless of whether or not the piece of information Stephen's interested in is involved. if that piece has gone walkabouts? Fitz was only doing his job - as friend and as colleague. Stephen can figure out whether or not he's bitter on his own time, he just wants to know. ]
no subject
he nods, solemn. the dip in his mouth might be apologetic, but he doesn't feel remorse for his call. play it out a hundred times, and he'd make it again and again. there's guilt over it. pain, too, at having breached someone's confidence (and Strange is a someone whose respect he'd quite like to earn, at that; an ally and nearly a friend). ]
She knows about what you can do. [ quiet but firm. ] At home and here.
[ all part of the debrief. ]
Not just because of the logo — 'cause I wanted to protect her, too.
[ as a friend, yes, not that she needs him to stand in her way. he only means that the easy out duty provides him doesn't suit this moment. there are things he keeps from bobbi, even now. and she isn't his boss or his handler. once, she may have stood above him, but they're different departments, and he's further along in the timeline, the only truly open agent among them — the power dynamics have shifted, for better or for worse. ]
no subject
or at least, it would be. only Stephen Strange wouldn't consider himself a threat to Fitz or the people Fitz trusts - perhaps the most dangerous thing he's done in Fitz' eyes is liase with Loki, and even then, hadn't he done the same? meaning either that he was wrong to assume the confidence ran both ways and Fitz is still on the fence as to whether he really can be trusted, or Fitz considers his friend's desire to maintain a secret identity to be more important than Stephen's decision to grant him sensitive information he really didn't have to share.
he had to choose one person's trust over another, and this is how it landed.
not too much of a blow. just something to remember. ]
Protect is an interesting choice of word.
[ it's telling, even if Fitz hadn't meant for it to be. that the SHIELD trio are a unit regardless of who they ally with. that anyone outside of that is a potential risk, if not an active threat.
a sudden indrawn breath and a raise of his brows as he glances away, substitute for a big bold period at the end of the line, because what else is there? they've had a long day, they've had it out, and there's nothing else to be said— he doesn't leave time to, either. the less fumbled explaining of themselves they do today the better. ]
I'm meeting with her now. She's coming over - with wine, apparently. [ his attention settles back on Fitz like it's a fresh start. like the rest of it's water under the bridge.
like he just doesn't want to talk about it any more. ] Worse ways to meet a person.
[ on which note, he starts to turn away. ]
I better not keep her waiting.